the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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