So drunk its hurt
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
