I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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