Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize