I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
