I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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