I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
