There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
