Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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