the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
