just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
