Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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