So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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