Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
