Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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