im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I forget how to act sober
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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