You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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