Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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