he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
