You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
