We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
