I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
