party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
