Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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