in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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