Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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