I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
