Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
