ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
