So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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