better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
