He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
