i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
