Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
