turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
