I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
