she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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