Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
