All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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