I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
