I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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