i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
