She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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