Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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