mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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