found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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