He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
