I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
