i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
