Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
