please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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