I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
