I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
