last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
