i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
