I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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