its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
