How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
