i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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