i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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