I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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