my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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