My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
