I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
