I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
