I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
