I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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