just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
