I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
