Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
